Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
