Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
