She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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