God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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