I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
