Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
