I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
