I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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