i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize