They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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