My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
