So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
