i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
