You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize