I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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