is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
