I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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