i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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