What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
