you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
