She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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