gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just cropdusted the office
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize