i don't like sucking hair
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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