it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
