2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
