I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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