you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
