Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
