You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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