Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
