I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
