Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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