Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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