You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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