he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
