Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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