all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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