Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This baby is an asshole
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
