her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
