We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
