I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
