For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
