think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
