So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize