i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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