so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
