im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
