"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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