I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
