He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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