mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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