I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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