I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
