I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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