AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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