So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
