My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
