I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
