i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
