I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
