Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
