Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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