Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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