apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
