I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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