and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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