I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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