My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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