literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
