Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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