i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
