Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
