look no pants
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize